Why it’s actually healthy if your self-pleasure isn’t always “pleasureable”...

A few days ago, no 0rgasm came for me as I touched my yoni in a pleasure practice. Instead, there was frustration, and sadness. My yoni was a firm NO to penetration of any kind. But that, for me, is a perfect pleasure practice too. Afterwards I felt so much calm softness, reverence for my body, and gratitude for having learned to truly listen to my yoni and honour her: that deep listening and honouring is what creates opportunity for really exquisite pleasure to bubble up too in other moments (like yesterday, when I had a cervical orgasm so delicious that I felt I’d come home, and cried deep tears of gratitude afterwards).

Developing a holistic, tantric approach to our sexuality means that all experiences are welcome: numbness, grief, anger, frustration, roaring pleasure, emptiness, tenderness… we begin to welcome all of them, as we step outside of playing a role in our sexuality and instead actually feel what’s really present in our bodies. It can be uncomfortable at first, as we become more sensitive and get acquainted with sensations and emotions that may have previously been in the subconscious. But it’s the way to truly exquisite orgasmic experiences - the way to transcendent, mystical sexual experiences that arise from the meeting point of meditation and orgasm.

So… if you sometimes spend time with your yoni and meet resistance, or pain, or grief, or numbness instead of pleasure… I celebrate you, for taking brave steps to open up to a more authentic, holistic sexuality. It suggests you’re laying aside any role-playing or patterns of being lost in the mind, and instead actually meeting what is there. You’re doing it just right. You’re on your way to reclaiming your natural, authentic orgasmicness.

I’ve just launched my new Exquisite Pleasure pack of 3 practices to help you drop down into the body and meet the sensations in your yoni with loving curiosity. These are powerful practices that can help you compassionately move through any challenging sensations/emotions that arise, and also to nurture and activate more pleasure that is arising. They're available now for download via my website homepage. 

And if you’d like to receive more inspiration and practices about tantra and pleasure, I warmly invite you to join my Facebook group Shades of Red (for people with yonis). 

Sending you so much love. 

Debs

29th October 2022