Creating a home

 

During the last 3 years I have never lived for more than 3 months in one room/bungalow/apartment. I have spent some days being unsure where I will sleep that night at all, trusting the flow of life to bring me to a safe place before bedtime, which it always did! I have slept on the beach, in a building site, in my hammock in the forest, in an abandoned dilapidated cottage, in my tent in the centre of London... and also in beautiful 5* resorts and multi-million dollar apartments owned by friends, for balance. I am very good at creating a feeling of home wherever I go since it is always within me, in my own heart.

 

I have enjoyed this lifestyle so much, but for a while I’ve been aware of a quiet whisper suggesting it might be nice to have my own space again. I kept denying and ignoring this voice, telling myself all sorts of stories about why it was not ok for me to desire a home:

I love the freedom of travel and it’s a waste of money to have a home left empty half the year, or a hassle to try and rent it out.

If I plan to buy land, where?! How do I decide on one place out of all the magical places on this earth! Plus what are the visa/Brexit implications?

It’s not very evolved to be attached to material things and particular places. Home is within my own body.

It is selfish and isolationist to want my own place, better to find somewhere to contribute to a large community. Or at least to create a shared space with Louis.

The whole concept of land ‘ownership’ seems alien to me.

In the last few years I have been trying to learn to surrender and let go of control, so will having a home risk bringing me back into old patterns of micromanaging and rigidly trying to control my environment?

I have such a strong conviction that life as we know it is going to seriously change on this planet. It seems a bit foolish to be trying to ‘buy land’, which is an old-paradigm action, when I have no idea what will happen in the coming few years.

 

All of these reasons seemed very legitimate and kept me disconnected from my deep, growing desire to nest and put down roots. Buying a campervan with my partner seemed like a compromise... but oh my goodness, we have done some profound shadow work related to this van in the last month, and it has shown me that a shared campervan cannot be the cosy feminine space my heart craves! With hindsight, thinking that it would be was sweetly naive.

 

So finally, I am ready to own this part of myself, and welcome her, and embrace the gifts she represents. It is totally ok for me to want to create a safe, stable place to feel grounded in... feeling physically safe and settled is one of the most basic human needs. From that base I can fly to even higher heights of magic. And this inner child is so joyful and excited about being finally acknowledged and welcomed. It was very emotional at first, but we’re having a lot of fun together now dreaming for the future! So... I am setting this intention to find exactly the right place for me to put down some roots. Not forever, maybe, but for now. And then I release the intention and trust that I’ll be guided to the perfect spot when it is time.